Boogers, Barf and Boys

We set out for our Valentine's dinner.  Post-kids, Hubby and I typically just hang out at the house and have steaks on the grill, but it was a gorgeous day and we just felt like getting out of the house.

I should have recognized the foreshadowing taking place as we entered the parking lot, as to what would ensue inside the restaurant.  Dax exclaimed in his loudest squeal, "Mommy, you CAN eat boogers if you just give yummy boogers a chance!"  I don't think I have to explain the conversation in the car prior to this newly discovered hypothesis of a three year old.  

Nonetheless, hubby and I forged ahead with the dinner plans, giggling a bit as Dax was still shrieking of his new discovery.  We got the boys out of their car seats.  Zane was insistent on wearing bright yellow gloves before he would get out of the car.  Ok. Whatever will keep him happy.  We manage to make our way into the restaurant and are seated at a table waaaay in the back corner.  Perfect.  Less people to annoy.  

This particular restaurant serves buckets of peanuts while you wait.  The kids love it because you can throw the peanut shells on the floor.  I knew giving Zane a peanut was a little questionable but he really wanted one, so I caved, and gave my two year old, half a peanut.  He did pretty good with it, so I gave him a few more. 

At the precise moment the server set the tray down to give us our food.  Zane starts to choke on a peanut.  It is a loud display of  hacking, coughing and crazy burping sounds.  Then, he projectile vomits onto the table.  nice.  I send a little prayer up to God thanking Him for not letting my child choke.  Then, I assure everyone around us that he isn't sick, he just choked on a peanut.

After four bites of my fillet, Zane discovered that the little string dangling on the wall, behind his head, would turn the neon Miller Light sign off, then on, then off, then on....etc.  After threatening him within an inch of his life, he finally stopped messing with the light.  

He did focus for a whole five minutes eating his macaroni and cheese, so I got to enjoy most of my food.

Then, as if he didn't learn his lesson the first time, he was wanting the bucket of peanuts again. Hubby and I set the bucket at the edge of the table and Zane was reaching across me to get to it.  I caught his arm so he wouldn't get another peanut, and when I did, he squirmed and knocked my ICE COLD water in my crotch.  I shrieked.  When I stood up in my light colored blue jeans, the water spot was nice and dark in a perfect circle in the front AND back.  Like I had really pee'd myself.  

A few concerned half-smiles and a few grimaces from our dinning neighbors and I was out.  I took the kids as Tate paid and shoveled the rest of his fillet in his mouth.  I marched back through the entire restaurant, modeling my crotch soaked pants in all their glory, for all the Valentines crowed to see.  

When we got in the car, Zane and his big, blue, sad eyes, said, "I thawee I piwlen uer wada, mommy."

Sigh.  I just couldn't love him any more.